early morning, ancient thoughts...

am supposed to be studying, but ended up reading the blogs of others.. actually been monitoring someone's blog for a while already, for what i read in the blog was rather worrying..

she has been attached for quite a while already, though i dunno if she is happily attached or not.. but everytime i see her, she always seem to be ok with him.. but then, deep down inside her heart, there is this person whom she is unable to let go. we all know that after a r/s is over, yes its better to just let it go, but often we fail to realise that the harder we try to let it go, the harder the memories just cling on to you. it took me twice as long as my previous r/s to get over it, and her previous relationship was for a few years. i cant blame her that it will still hurt, but i am just really worried for her. cos on the outside she seems soo fine, unaffected by anything. but deep inside she is being torn apart by her feelings, by her thoughts of the past, by everything bout the old guy.. i dunno why, but it really hurts me so to see her in that manner. maybe it might be coz i was in her shoes just till very recently....?

and then there is another girl whom i recently got to knw, stumbled on her blog too. she is also in similar shoes, haunted by memories of a recent past, of a guy whom had apparently hurt her a lot, but whom she still is a friend of. maybe she is too nice a girl, too easily forgiving, maybe she is a girl that is unwilling to let go of a sweet past. maybe she is just a confused girl. but 1 thing's for sure. when u break up with a person, there is very very little possibilty that you will be alright with the other ex-half. it will always be painful to talk to her, no matter how long. every word will bring back painful memories. and those painful memories will dig into you like no other pain. slow, dull, ache, but so intense it will juz burn u alive.

we cant change what happens to the past. the memories of the past will always be a part of you. but at the end of the day, it all boils down to what we want to do with those memories. the harder you try to get rid of something, the more it will stick to you like a stubborn stain. no amount of scrubbing can get it off. it is what you do with the memories thats inside you. its how you want yourself to feel when you have such memories hitting you. you can either take it in your stride, look at it, laugh it off, and move on. or we could take the road well troddened, and wallow in our own self pity. it often sounds silly, but its really the most effective way of reacting to certain things..

and yes, the past can do certain things to you. like make you fearful of the future. make you unwilling to try out a new relationship. make you wanna juz stay alone for the rest of your life. but it is often quite impossible to, for loneliness will just hit you so hard in the face the pain's just gonna cause a dull ache all the way down to your heart...

and to the first girl, if you are ever reading this, you made a promise to me to talk to me bout your problems, please remember to talk to me alright! i am always around..

time to hit my books again. gosh its 05:46hrs.