this is one semester i must say that i am quite happy that its over. i have worked the hardest since i could ever remember, and have been the most consistent in my work. this is also one semester that i did not fall sick at all, not even close to it. i cant think of anything bad to talk about this semester, save for my impending results. but anyway its over. i dont want to think too much into it.
this is one semester that i have been so busy that i forgot to feel lonely. i forgot to feel sad. but i do get the feeling sometimes. when i see people around me happily attached, or in the sweet process of courtship. i feel left out. i feel, lonely. i feel like i am missing out something. there is this emptiness in me that i have no idea how to fill it up. chances have come and gone, and i dont know if it is because i refused to take them up, or i am too afraid to. i dont know.
and as i am typing all everything, the only face that is appearing in front of my eyes is yours. i should just not think so much.
now i should concentrate on working out. no more excuses to slack. Colin Soon, you have a record to break (FHY, dont laugh. I will show it to you). you have a body to achieve. you have FYP to do. you have no time to think bout such rubbish and wallow in self-induced loneliness.
ARGH it just sucks. i hate my life.
wil the right girl come, like people's been telling me all semester? i dont know. haiz. i dont think it ever will.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
crash and burn
2 more papers. and this sem will come to a close.
this is one sem that i have been the most hardworking. mugging and burying myself in books so damn early. finishing PYP by week 13.
this is one sem i am totally disappointed with myself. it seems that all that senseless mugging did not help. i am still as dumb. i still cant integrate for nuts.
its my studying method i guess. its my loss of motivation and drive, right b4 the exams i guess. i was just doodling and doing everything but study the last 2 weeks. i tink i really deserve it.
to think this sem might have made a difference to my grades. that i might actually see proper grades on my degree audit for once.
i guess all hope is gone.
its just crash and burn for now.
EE4903 Physiological Systems Analysis.
a rather simple paper. if you exclude ALL the maths. which is bout.. 75% of the paper.
this is one sem that i have been the most hardworking. mugging and burying myself in books so damn early. finishing PYP by week 13.
this is one sem i am totally disappointed with myself. it seems that all that senseless mugging did not help. i am still as dumb. i still cant integrate for nuts.
its my studying method i guess. its my loss of motivation and drive, right b4 the exams i guess. i was just doodling and doing everything but study the last 2 weeks. i tink i really deserve it.
to think this sem might have made a difference to my grades. that i might actually see proper grades on my degree audit for once.
i guess all hope is gone.
its just crash and burn for now.
EE4903 Physiological Systems Analysis.
a rather simple paper. if you exclude ALL the maths. which is bout.. 75% of the paper.
can it get any worse?
looking at the paper. knowing you have read it somewhere before.
you cant remember anything that you read. those that you remembered is jumbled up with every other thing.
and you just know that you read that formula 5 min b4 u entered the exam hall. and you cant remember it. and that costed you 20 marks.
and thats not inclusive of the question that came from a tutorial that i did not read thru at all. e one and only tut.
boy. how exciting a paper.
thankfully i dun hafta see e paper again. not because i will clear it, but because its not offered nxt sem. not to say i wil take it again.
ARGHHHHHHHHHH.............
you cant remember anything that you read. those that you remembered is jumbled up with every other thing.
and you just know that you read that formula 5 min b4 u entered the exam hall. and you cant remember it. and that costed you 20 marks.
and thats not inclusive of the question that came from a tutorial that i did not read thru at all. e one and only tut.
boy. how exciting a paper.
thankfully i dun hafta see e paper again. not because i will clear it, but because its not offered nxt sem. not to say i wil take it again.
ARGHHHHHHHHHH.............
Monday, November 26, 2007
confidence? just pure dumb.
when you are feeling the most confident for the paper you are gonna sit for, and when you open up the paper you juz dont bloody remember things you read juz a while ago.
when you think you should be able to do most of the questions, you end up doing a lil more then half.
when you think that this should be the easiest paper, you screw it up.
i donno how to do the paper tmr.
EE4907 Bioelectronics
ah fuck. i am just dumb. sometimes hardwork doesnt matter. it matters when you have the brains. i dont. so hardwork doesnt matter.
and fuck that fat ass of a negative EQ guy. after paper talk like he is marking the paper. "oh you will get 5 marks for this, you will get 3 marks for that" SCREW YOU. smart so what. you got NO EQ. and you look like what i was 10 yrs ago. FAT AND GROSS.
ah fuck. i got a paper tmr. wake up wake up.
when you think you should be able to do most of the questions, you end up doing a lil more then half.
when you think that this should be the easiest paper, you screw it up.
i donno how to do the paper tmr.
EE4907 Bioelectronics
ah fuck. i am just dumb. sometimes hardwork doesnt matter. it matters when you have the brains. i dont. so hardwork doesnt matter.
and fuck that fat ass of a negative EQ guy. after paper talk like he is marking the paper. "oh you will get 5 marks for this, you will get 3 marks for that" SCREW YOU. smart so what. you got NO EQ. and you look like what i was 10 yrs ago. FAT AND GROSS.
ah fuck. i got a paper tmr. wake up wake up.
Friday, November 23, 2007
wrapped!
ok, so i decided to get something proper to wrap my lappie. got black, cos someone mentioned that black marble looks as though my lappie is growing mould. :( and i am not getting any other colour except black.
and here's the outcome! nt without defects though. but its my first attempt, and rounded surfaces are proving very difficult to do.
and here are the defects: (all 4 corners of the top panel. haiz)
Not bad la i think. wat you all think? if too bad dun say anyting. i will kill myself.
and here's the outcome! nt without defects though. but its my first attempt, and rounded surfaces are proving very difficult to do.
and here are the defects: (all 4 corners of the top panel. haiz)
Not bad la i think. wat you all think? if too bad dun say anyting. i will kill myself.
sputter sputter
something is v v v wrong here.
i have ZERO motivation to study.
ok so i have finished quite a bit of past year papers. so i might be a tat complacent.
or did i work too hard initially i am losing motivation to study.
or am i just destined to be doomed again.
haiz.
will somebody shoot me?
i have ZERO motivation to study.
ok so i have finished quite a bit of past year papers. so i might be a tat complacent.
or did i work too hard initially i am losing motivation to study.
or am i just destined to be doomed again.
haiz.
will somebody shoot me?
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
resist or conform?
read this from one of the people's nick on MSN:
It's useless to revolt against the difficulties of life; learn resignation, patience, and optimism.
i just think this is totally crap. ok not totally. i agree with the last 2 parts. patience and optimism. but resignation? useless to revolt against the difficulties of life? i think it is very very wrong to let the world dictate how you live your life. let things of chance happen and tell you what to do. this is not right. not right at all.
i believe in fighting. i believe in creating something out of my sorry ass life that i am in. i dont want to be working in a 9-5 job all my life. till i am 70, and still worrying if i can have my next 3 meals intact. i dont want to be doing that. i want to semi-retire at 40. travel the world. go back to my office as an when i want to. i dont want work to dictate my life after 40. i want to dictate my work.
resignation is something that is so easy to do sometimes. most of the time. it is the easy way out. but is that the way that i want? i am damn sure there will be this nagging pain in me if i just go with the resignation part. for i know i will regret that i din try my best. but in life, sometimes trying your best is just not enough.
haha too much contractions in life and the stuff i just wrote. but i just tell myself everytime something goes bad for me, that i am NOT gonna let anything tell me i am a quitter. for the last 3 years of my life, i've been wanting so badly to get out of sch and start working. and now that i am so near to that objective, i suddenly feel fear. fear of venturing out into the unknown. to fulfil whatever that i have planned for myself. it seemed so much for me to handle alone. it seemed that i am walking the road alone. i need someone by my side.
i want to be successful in life. success comes with a price i guess. but i am determined to break out of the poverty cycle. i will not conform to the general belief that earning enough to feed yourself is good enough. money is NEVER enough. i will not be satisfied, ever, with my achievements. i admit i am a late starter, but yes, i will compensate that with my determination and passion.
Losers make excuses, winners make it happen.
I choose RESIST.
It's useless to revolt against the difficulties of life; learn resignation, patience, and optimism.
i just think this is totally crap. ok not totally. i agree with the last 2 parts. patience and optimism. but resignation? useless to revolt against the difficulties of life? i think it is very very wrong to let the world dictate how you live your life. let things of chance happen and tell you what to do. this is not right. not right at all.
i believe in fighting. i believe in creating something out of my sorry ass life that i am in. i dont want to be working in a 9-5 job all my life. till i am 70, and still worrying if i can have my next 3 meals intact. i dont want to be doing that. i want to semi-retire at 40. travel the world. go back to my office as an when i want to. i dont want work to dictate my life after 40. i want to dictate my work.
resignation is something that is so easy to do sometimes. most of the time. it is the easy way out. but is that the way that i want? i am damn sure there will be this nagging pain in me if i just go with the resignation part. for i know i will regret that i din try my best. but in life, sometimes trying your best is just not enough.
haha too much contractions in life and the stuff i just wrote. but i just tell myself everytime something goes bad for me, that i am NOT gonna let anything tell me i am a quitter. for the last 3 years of my life, i've been wanting so badly to get out of sch and start working. and now that i am so near to that objective, i suddenly feel fear. fear of venturing out into the unknown. to fulfil whatever that i have planned for myself. it seemed so much for me to handle alone. it seemed that i am walking the road alone. i need someone by my side.
i want to be successful in life. success comes with a price i guess. but i am determined to break out of the poverty cycle. i will not conform to the general belief that earning enough to feed yourself is good enough. money is NEVER enough. i will not be satisfied, ever, with my achievements. i admit i am a late starter, but yes, i will compensate that with my determination and passion.
Losers make excuses, winners make it happen.
I choose RESIST.
Battlefield NYA/SRC
upcoming papers:
23rd November 1430-1630 F1225
EE 4901 Biomedical Control System Design
26th November 1700-1900 B0683
EE4906 Medical Imaging Systems
27th November 1700-1900 F0851
EE4907 Bioelectronics
29th November 0900-1100 D0044
EE4903 Physiological Systems Analysis
30th November 1430-1630 C0244
EE4905 Biomedical Signal Processing
gee. am i screwed or am i screwed.
here i come. to get my ass kicked.
23rd November 1430-1630 F1225
EE 4901 Biomedical Control System Design
26th November 1700-1900 B0683
EE4906 Medical Imaging Systems
27th November 1700-1900 F0851
EE4907 Bioelectronics
29th November 0900-1100 D0044
EE4903 Physiological Systems Analysis
30th November 1430-1630 C0244
EE4905 Biomedical Signal Processing
gee. am i screwed or am i screwed.
here i come. to get my ass kicked.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
it feels so good
nothing beats the feeling of being able to go to the pool after attempting 8 hours of work which is only 3 hours productive, and just swim a few laps. chill on the chair, and observe my ever-flabby and getting worse tummy.
oh well. now its time to get back to work.
CS803 MEDIA IN AMERICA tomorrow.
ARGH.
oh well. now its time to get back to work.
CS803 MEDIA IN AMERICA tomorrow.
ARGH.
morning happy meal
haha so happy with myself that i actually crawled to the function room to study at 6.30am, dat i decided to make myself a simple, happy breakfast meal.
4 nuggets, 2 slices of bread with a generous coating of peanut butter, a hot dog and a glass of cold milk. oh boy. haven had something so nice in a long while. heh.
ok i shall go back to eating!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
a good afternoon swim
thats what you need when you just get too restless. thats all you need to get yourself straightened out. get your thoughts straightened out. water has just this calming efffect. though it could be a tat, no, 2 tats salty for a swimming pool.
ok, so now i am feeling so sleepy, and i am in a total loss if i should go sleep or go do reading. i still haven touched my CS803 module.. dieee.
hmmm.
ok, so now i am feeling so sleepy, and i am in a total loss if i should go sleep or go do reading. i still haven touched my CS803 module.. dieee.
hmmm.
doomed?
do and do PYP. only to realise i am getting dumber with every paper i do.
so should i not do or do more? hmmm.
so should i not do or do more? hmmm.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
up next!
CS803 Media in America
Monday 19 November, 2007
1700-1900 hrs
ok so that seems like plenty of time. but my last week of exams is packed to the brim. so its not gonna be easy flowing from now on.
TIME TO MUGGGGG!!!
CHARGEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Monday 19 November, 2007
1700-1900 hrs
ok so that seems like plenty of time. but my last week of exams is packed to the brim. so its not gonna be easy flowing from now on.
TIME TO MUGGGGG!!!
CHARGEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Monday, November 12, 2007
2 days
from the big HRM day. hope everything will be fine for HRM. its like e worst module ever ever ever that anyone could take. boooooooo.
and will you get out of my head? its like e worst time ever you could get into it.
argh.
and will you get out of my head? its like e worst time ever you could get into it.
argh.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
again
i dreamt of you again this afternoon.
it was such a nice dream that i din wanna wake up from it. i wanted it to continue. i wanted it to be true.
it was bout the both of us being together, you knowing how i feel. it was bout us simply doing nothing together.
it was nothing but a dream.
haiz. stop appearing in my dreams please. its very painful to wake up from it.
it was such a nice dream that i din wanna wake up from it. i wanted it to continue. i wanted it to be true.
it was bout the both of us being together, you knowing how i feel. it was bout us simply doing nothing together.
it was nothing but a dream.
haiz. stop appearing in my dreams please. its very painful to wake up from it.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Quote of the Day
Doing A Good Deed is Like Peeing In Your Pants.
Everyone Will Know You Did It, But Only You Can Feel The Warmth.
Not exactly true, but it just sounds damn cool.
Everyone Will Know You Did It, But Only You Can Feel The Warmth.
Not exactly true, but it just sounds damn cool.
a wonderful evening
after EE4906 quiz on the very last 30 min of the very last lecture on the very last day of school for the semester, and realising how pia my class is, was too restless and bothered to be studying in school. essentially stressed out. took a ride out with wayne's car, and was whining to him about my agonies of studying and how freaking muggerish my class is. yes only bout 15 lidat are muggerish, not considered a lot by EEE standards, but if we take into account that there are bout only 30-40 pple in my course, we have 50% of the people in my course who are pure muggers. which is absolutely depressingly stressful. argh.
met HQ for a spontaneous dinner at Holland V, was totally unplanned for. just decided to call her since i was going to clementi, and vola! she decided to go eat. Had Thai Express, and followed by dessert at the food center beside. initially wanted to mug at some place, but we ended up going to TCC at NAFA to drink and slack at the couch. WHICH, when we reached there, the couple in front of us took the very last seat. which was like totally CRAP.
came back home, and decided to just take a nap. woke up at 3am, did some statics, changed out 2 pails of water for tank. water changing is actually therapeutic. never did i realise that before. ahhhh! i feel better already. doing things that are not sch related. which might remind me of how muggerish my class is. ARGH.
ok time to get to my OB. intending to finish everything up by this weekend so i can get at my technical electives some more. and later i am gonna study with an Indian Scholar! i am so excited bout the whole idea! ahhaaa...
met HQ for a spontaneous dinner at Holland V, was totally unplanned for. just decided to call her since i was going to clementi, and vola! she decided to go eat. Had Thai Express, and followed by dessert at the food center beside. initially wanted to mug at some place, but we ended up going to TCC at NAFA to drink and slack at the couch. WHICH, when we reached there, the couple in front of us took the very last seat. which was like totally CRAP.
came back home, and decided to just take a nap. woke up at 3am, did some statics, changed out 2 pails of water for tank. water changing is actually therapeutic. never did i realise that before. ahhhh! i feel better already. doing things that are not sch related. which might remind me of how muggerish my class is. ARGH.
ok time to get to my OB. intending to finish everything up by this weekend so i can get at my technical electives some more. and later i am gonna study with an Indian Scholar! i am so excited bout the whole idea! ahhaaa...
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
7 days...
exactly 7 more days to the big big first paper. just went for class, and i discovered how much that i din know, which i thought i knew, on top of what i already know i dont know. i am so so so screwed.
someone. please. murder me.
someone. please. murder me.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
8 more days
to the big day. to the day where the mayhem begans. where i will walk out of the exam hall reproaching myself that i should have studied this harder. should have focused on that more. should have played less, surfed less, slept less, study more. den i will pray very very hard that i will not bao the paper.
8 more days. gosh. am i excited.
8 more days. gosh. am i excited.
Monday, November 5, 2007
lazy weekend
spent another weekend in hall, and did nothing productive this weekend. woke up at 5pm on sat, and attempted a few hours of weak effort at revision, and gave up. woke up at 12 today, and hid in the games room, in an attempt to study. went thru a few tutorials, and spent twice as much time on msn as i did on books. i am doomed. seriously i need to throw away my comp. and facebook's warbook function is proving to be an addiction.
started on my 4903 PYP finally, but gave up half way. crap. i shall get back at it once i change my blog skin. wahahahhaa
started on my 4903 PYP finally, but gave up half way. crap. i shall get back at it once i change my blog skin. wahahahhaa
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Thursday, November 1, 2007
breaking point
i think after 24 yrs of life, i finally hit the limit.
never did i ever experience this before. this feeling.
never did i ever experience this before. this feeling.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
