Is it the beginning of a new day? Or is it the end of just another day? I dunno.
I got so much in my mind lately. Its just so different being officially employed, and being a student. Its so hard to get expelled out of school, but it seems so easy to get fired. Especially in my office. I just seem to see people leaving. I just watched a very hardworking man walk out of the office on Monday afternoon. He was told to leave, without any reason. Its 10 days away from Christmas. He was 3 weeks away from confirmation. He was so hardworking. He is no longer employed by Extron.
Do I even dare to say anything in the office? I dont. There are comments that I cannot make, things that I have in my head that cannot come out.I hate this feeling. This is not me. Not at all. People making stupid suggestions, and I just have to execute them. People who are absolutely inefficient in work, and she has been there for over 4 years, while a man 5 months old, super hardworking, cant be any more willing to learn, or extend out a helping hand, has to leave. And my engineer counterpart, he just has to let me cover more and more shit for him. He is 38, and he doesnt behave like one. The sense of responsibility just seems to elude him. I just cant imagine he made that mistake today. Even some people cant believe it.
I am having so little appetite nowadays. I just dont feel like eating anymore. Food used to turn me right on, I will do anything to eat. It seems that I am just hiding away and away from it nowadays. I feel hungry, but I dont feel like eating. I feel stifled, encroached, alienated, at home. I feel out of place, weird, at work, where everyone seems to be my enemy. I have a lot of pent up frustrations. I dunno what to do with it. How I wish I can just be a girl, and let it all out, by crying. Nope, I got my manly pride stopping me from doing that.
And so, the next day comes, and I head to work, knowing that I have to put in my best in the company, fight for what I want in my life. And knowing full well that I might just be the nxt person walking out.
Enough of bad thoughts. Before this blog becomes one that I turn to whenever I am down...
Things I wanna do in 2009:
1. Go Redang, and maybe Australia.
2. Complete Sundown Marathon 42km,
3. Complete Standard Chartered 42km
4. Start training for Singapore Bi 2010, and ultimately Aviva Ironman 2013.
5. Work hard. Get as many Certifications as possible.
Seems weird really, work used to be my priority. The first thing I think about. And now, its the 5th thing I thought about.
Something is wrong. I dunno myself anymore.
