stricken~~

struck by the feeling of loneliness. again. ah crap. how shitty can this feeling be.

and all i can think of is just someone. and how stressed she could be. how bothered by others she is. and how i wanna cut their nuts right off and feed them to the dogs running wild around NTU.

haiz.

and i forgot to add in..

WOMEN ARE JUST WEIRD!

i can just never ever figure out what they are thinking, what they have up in their heads. Its so hard to want in on their thoughts, in their lives. crappy.

COMPLICATED CREATURES.

boooo!

its all about pros and cons.

i just realised that after so long, being kept alive for so damn long, everything boils down to pros and cons. its like you spend too much on food with a limited amount of money, you dun get to buy stuff that you really need. you spend too much on redundant things like drinks and alcohol and smoke, you dun get to buy other stuff like running shoes, which might actually be more beneficial to health. you drive too fast, you get from place to place fast, but you might risk getting into accidents (i juz got scolded tonight by my passenger. how upsetting). you spend too much time procrastinating you juz end up losing time to study. how crappy.

it sucks to be in a situation where you are always on e losing end. too little money for too much wants and hobbies. it sucks to be born poor. it sucks to have to work for your own pocket money so that i can survive and go out often with people who actually have everything paid for and still get twice more den wat i work and earn each month. haiz. prices nowadays sting like siao. for a person with a stagnant allowance, and everything is increasing. how awful can that be.

even when you are working plenty to earn money, you have soooo little time for yourself, to enjoy. it sucks too. then life revolves around simply going out for short shopping sprees in the evenings after work, and compare with fellow workaholics how exciting their gadgets seem. its like, goodness me. how boring. and most of e working pple around me are like that. i have like totally NO intentions to fall into that category.

and of course, when you wanna be nice to pple around you when they are like soooo damn mean to you, you just end up torturing yourself. pros and cons again. how do you get to torture yourself? cos you are simply putting up with all the shit that people are giving you. sucks totally. i mean, if pple did give me shit, i would have cut off their balls and fried them so i could offer them to the cats in my hall that looks totally like garfield. same size, same colour, same look.

you make a choice, you suffer the consequences. you decide for yourself.

i absolutely hate it when pple tell me that. will someone return me to the time when i was still 8 years old? young and innocent and happy, everyday i am juz worried if i have enough games in my head to keep me entertained. and Lego. how can i forget my favourite game of all time. haha.

ok. enough of pros and cons tonight. maybe something else next time.

lifesaving pictures. of me. finally.

ok! finally got some time to upload some silly pictures of me. drowning. and slacking.. why is it that my dear photographer fren refuses to take some nice, glam shots of me in action, but always of me like half drowning or just sleeping my life away.. haiz.

Drowning..

Drowning.. .. ..


Drowned.




An extremely duh foto of me getting into foto formation with my swim cap worn sooo high it looks dumb on me.

Team NTU Lifesaving at National Stillwaters Championships 2007, Kallang Basin Swimming Complex...


and now! the unglam fotos of me slacking at Sentosa for the National Openwater Championships, where i had NO events. so shiok! haha




he was so sweet he even took me sleeping in 2 different angles. awwwww...


watching watever thats happening with great anticipation, with a grouchy pretty swim babe beside me.. haha..

had a great season this year, considered its my virgin season in LS.. am gonna train up and go in with a bang next season! haha

thats all for now...

tobias!

i miss my second sister's second kid... tobias is his name. he has to be the chattiest and cutest and most adorable 3.5 month old boy ever ever ever in this world! i haven seen him in 2 weeks, starting to miss him already... ok here are the fotos of him when i last saw him.

looking bored.. here comes my dad to entertain him..

nice old man!!... hee

haha this old man is sooo silly looking!

awwww aint this lil baby just sooooo cute when he laughs!!!

falling asleep in my arms after a dinner-time's worth of fun..
i want a baby of my own too!

more fotos!

haha got someone see me no up, cannot take fotos wor.. hehe. some more of my fireworks foto shots edited. had to crop out sections of it cos the rest of it were like juz covered with smoke from the exploded fireworks. sooo ugly! :(

early morning, ancient thoughts...

am supposed to be studying, but ended up reading the blogs of others.. actually been monitoring someone's blog for a while already, for what i read in the blog was rather worrying..

she has been attached for quite a while already, though i dunno if she is happily attached or not.. but everytime i see her, she always seem to be ok with him.. but then, deep down inside her heart, there is this person whom she is unable to let go. we all know that after a r/s is over, yes its better to just let it go, but often we fail to realise that the harder we try to let it go, the harder the memories just cling on to you. it took me twice as long as my previous r/s to get over it, and her previous relationship was for a few years. i cant blame her that it will still hurt, but i am just really worried for her. cos on the outside she seems soo fine, unaffected by anything. but deep inside she is being torn apart by her feelings, by her thoughts of the past, by everything bout the old guy.. i dunno why, but it really hurts me so to see her in that manner. maybe it might be coz i was in her shoes just till very recently....?

and then there is another girl whom i recently got to knw, stumbled on her blog too. she is also in similar shoes, haunted by memories of a recent past, of a guy whom had apparently hurt her a lot, but whom she still is a friend of. maybe she is too nice a girl, too easily forgiving, maybe she is a girl that is unwilling to let go of a sweet past. maybe she is just a confused girl. but 1 thing's for sure. when u break up with a person, there is very very little possibilty that you will be alright with the other ex-half. it will always be painful to talk to her, no matter how long. every word will bring back painful memories. and those painful memories will dig into you like no other pain. slow, dull, ache, but so intense it will juz burn u alive.

we cant change what happens to the past. the memories of the past will always be a part of you. but at the end of the day, it all boils down to what we want to do with those memories. the harder you try to get rid of something, the more it will stick to you like a stubborn stain. no amount of scrubbing can get it off. it is what you do with the memories thats inside you. its how you want yourself to feel when you have such memories hitting you. you can either take it in your stride, look at it, laugh it off, and move on. or we could take the road well troddened, and wallow in our own self pity. it often sounds silly, but its really the most effective way of reacting to certain things..

and yes, the past can do certain things to you. like make you fearful of the future. make you unwilling to try out a new relationship. make you wanna juz stay alone for the rest of your life. but it is often quite impossible to, for loneliness will just hit you so hard in the face the pain's just gonna cause a dull ache all the way down to your heart...

and to the first girl, if you are ever reading this, you made a promise to me to talk to me bout your problems, please remember to talk to me alright! i am always around..

time to hit my books again. gosh its 05:46hrs.

wonderful moments, captured.

was talking to mike (SDC Eng Sup) bout photography on sunday, and were doing some photoshopping to the pictures that he took.. cut away some stuff, and it actually turned out to be rather nice. din know i have such talent.. haha so nice to have a good DSLR like his... i also want!!

first 2 were taken by him at his house, overlooking the chinese garden.. the next 2 wer

e taken by me during the recent fireworks festival, while i was higggggh up over the floating platform...

and i think i should really tryyyyyyy to concentrate on my lab.. i am like getting nowhere with the stupid lab.. no idea what to do also. crap. FOCUS FOCUS!

random fotos.. random thoughts...

some random tank shots of my pride and joy at home.. getting to be quite a drag to do things to it, cos its like not much i can do to it already.. and i dun wanna spend too much money to get new stuff.. think i am like turning into a miser... not wanting to spend money on my own hobby.. haiz.

some tank shots. 2 different views. first one from the main door and the second one from the living room. hmmm. no photoshops at all.

new fishes the last weekend, but not welcomed at all. hope they will be fine... hehe.





and the dang loneliness is murdering me.. slowly and steadily.... argh!

a day wasted, or a day well spent?

i spent the whole of last night doing everything but studying, when my intentions to stay in hall was to study, BUT I DIN GET ANYTHING DONE. nevermind, slept at 6 cos i decided that i am sleepy, woke up only at 12! goodness me. went out to clementi to get some fishie stuff to help my sister redo her tank, cos she described it till its in a doomsday manner.. which i discovered otherwise...

waited for my frens to come pick me up, stated was 1415hrs, but i was only picked up at 1515hrs. i juz floated from 1 end of clementi to another to while away my time. haiz. went to coral farm to see fish, ended up buying 2 percs.. which after dumping into my tank, they got pretty badly welcomed by my monsters..

went to my sis's place to get her tank done up, and the fotos of the fireworks i took the last fireworks festival. had dinner at amk Pepper Lunch (steak and chicken combo) and caught some fireworks too. came back only to discover out of 200 fotos there is only 1 nice one. haiz. i suck in fireworks photography.

and all this time i could have spent it studying! was it better that i took time off from work to keep meself sane, or was it juz simply time wasted... i cant decide.

and worse of all, i gotta worry for my 2 new entries into my tank.. hope they dun get killed by my monster tangs.. the 2 new percs are such wonderful creatures... :(

crap. i hate it when i am in such a situation. and i gotta work tomorrow too.. no make it later. haiz.

The Last Man on Earth...

Did a test. results as follows. might account for my... experiences now. hahaha! intriguing results though. haha

The Last Man on Earth (Random Brutal Sex Dreamer)
Shit, rejected again. You are The Last Man on Earth.
Sorry, but most women would rather see the human species wither to an end—and therefore deny the most fundamental instinct that living creatures have—than sleep with you.
We've learned the following: you don't think things through. You're haphazard. You're dangerous. You're somewhat inexperienced. It's totally obvious that you're a horny bugger, as well. Everybody knows that and steers clear.
To top things off, when you do find your way into a relationship, you tend to be a dick somewhere down the line and fuck it all up.
There's a small, but negligible, chance we're wrong. In any case, your friends find your shit hilarious. There's nothing cooler than a dude reducing himself to human rubble.

Tin Tin get-together...

after much planning and contributions by our pageant contestant M2, had our first Tin Tin makan session on tuesday... marinated e stuff and tried adding something new.. glad it actually turned out quite well, or so they said.. think they were being a lil nice. haha..








ate like a pig that night, turned into a pig after dat.. haha.. but no regrets! ate till i almost popped..

the gay gayyy me...

this is up on my msn display, and i just hafta share it with the rest who doesnt have my msn or didnt notice it. i think i look damn shuai in this foto.





i am losing it. i am turning gayyy. any girl out there willing to straighten me out?

haiz..

polooo!

had interciv games polo this evening. supposed to there at 5, but as usual nobody from hall 12 is ever on time, including me.. well anyway, had a simple warmup, and my legs were already like bout to give way.. haha. age is indeed catching up on me. had a simple game to introduce the new blood to the game. 8min plus in the game, and i was panting like a dog. kinda crappy la. i am supposed to be at e peak now, better den my last 3 yrs, but doesnt seem so. my shooting is also super off target today. no power, no angle. haiz. but at least i was glad that so many people turned up at the games, right after school. this year people are much more active in sports. but polo fitness needs to be worked on. like HY said, if u got no fitness in e water, dun even need to work on skills and whatever not.

i need to work on a lot of things. sadly. haiz.

and i got soooooo damn much work to do. grrrrrrrrrrr. never mind never mind, recess is coming. my second last recess of my life. gona use it to catch up with my work...

hope i can get all the things up for the Tin Tin Hotplate makan session tmr. i forgot to buy disaposable utensils! haha.. dumb me.

till then..

Soooo Singapore!

haha was stuck at work last sat at the so singapore toons gallery, and i was like sitting there and trying to keep myself awake... but the exhibits are like pretty cool.. the largest concentration of comics by super well known artists of singapore! and in my vain attempt to stay awake, i went on a photo-whoring spree...

Right at the entrance... !

animations, blown up super huge!

where the kids draw and play..
and this is like the most often happened thing now! footprints on e seat!

































some of the riot cards!


A round of applause for myself... =)

a brand new blog, a brand new start!

haha! finally decided to get a new blog started... the old one is getting a little too.. depressing! heh. i shall go get a really nice skin for my blog!

ciaoz for now.. gtg get some work done!